


My Immortal with special commentary

by SophieFosterTheDemigodDauntlessWizard



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieFosterTheDemigodDauntlessWizard/pseuds/SophieFosterTheDemigodDauntlessWizard
Summary: We almost all know about the veeeery infamous fanfic My Immortal, and I decided to add some commentary to it so have fun.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My comments will mostly be spelling corrections because I’m a “Spelling Nazi” as my best friend calls me. I will add some other comments though. Also if the author uses the same incorrect spelling or same wrong term multiple times I’m not going to correct it every time.

AN: Special fangz **(thanks, she uses this ‘pun’ multiple times and it really annoys me.)** (get it, coz Im goffik) **(gothic)** 2 **(to)** my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif **(with)** da **(the)** story and spelling **(she’s obviously not good at spelling either)**. U rok! **(rock)** Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing **(depressing)** life u rok 2! MCR ROX!  
  
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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) **(ah yes she was obviously born with hair or grew it in time for her parents to name her after it.)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **(I don’t even know what that’s supposed to be)** tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(Who’s Amy Lee?)** I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(Aren’t all vampire’s?)** I have pale white skin. **(Again, don’t all vampires?)** I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **(That goes without saying)** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(Ok first of all you don’t need frigging white foundation if your skin is already pale, and why aren’t you wearing the school uniform?!)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.  
  
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!  
  
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.  
  
“Nothing.” he said shyly.  
  
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(What friends?)**  
  
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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(Again, thanks and I hate it when she uses this pun)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin **g** me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma **(my)** story ok!  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **(Anyone else notice the very *sarcastically* _subtle_ 666 in the Xs?)**  
  
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony **(what is it with this person and ebony?)** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(Again, why the hell doesn’t she wear the school uniform?)**  
  
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(WHY DOESN’T HER FRIEND WEAR THE UNIFORM EITHER!!!?)**  
  
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.  
  
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.  
  
“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.  
  
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.  
  
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.  
  
“Hi.” he said.  
  
“Hi.” I replied flirtily. **(Wasn’t she just saying that she didn’t like him?)**  
  
“Guess what.” he said. **(It should be asked and it should have a question mark)**  
  
“What?” I asked.  
  
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me. **(Why would a Muggle band have a concert in an all wizard town?)**  
  
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Why would a wizard vampire be obsessed with two MUGGLE bands?)**  
  
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.  
  
I gasped. **(And then fainted because I’m a little sissy pretending to be a goth but I can’t even spell gothic.)**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING **(flaming)** DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize **(otherwise)** fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN **(again)** RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis **(this)** or da **(the)** lyrics 4 Good Charlotte.  
  
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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(What does feeling depressed have to do with slitting your wrist?)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(She FINALLY realized how stupid that was)** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.  
  
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl **(cool)** boiz **(boys)** wer **(wear)** it ok!). **(Why does a pure-blood who hates Muggles, Muggle-born, and anything related to that want to go to a Muggle concert)**  
  
“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.  
  
“Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **(ONLY THE WEASLEYS HAVE A FLYING CAR!!!)** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.  
  
“You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).  
  
“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.  
  
Suddenly Draco looked sad.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.  
  
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said. **(AGAIN SHE TOLD HER FRIEND SHE DIDNT LIKE DRACO WHY IS THIS SO INCONSISTENT!!!?)**  
  
“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.  
  
“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(Bro Hilary Duff is cute! I looked up what she’s been in and she acted in BOTH Cheaper by the Dozens and she played Lizzie McGuire in that Disney show)**  
  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest! **(*fake gasp* Wow so suspenseful!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok new way to do this. Instead of putting spelling corrections in there I’ll just put what they mean in the end notes.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
  
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“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”  
  
Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.  
  
“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.  
  
“Ebony?” he asked.  
  
“What?” I snapped.  
  
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore. **(Why is he wearing color contacts to a concert, and where would he even get them? Wizards probably have some spell to change the color of their irises whenever they want.)**  
  
And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(Holy shit what the heck you can’t do the frickity-frack against a tree!)**  
  
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….  
  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”  
  
It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!  
 **(Dumbledore doesn’t curse, much less at students jeez!)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sed= Said  
> Stup= Stop  
> Nut=Not  
> Luv= Love  
> Wif= With  
> Dat= That  
> Defrent= Different  
> Dey= They  
> Nu= Knew  
> Eechodder= Each Other  
> B4= before  
> Motherfukers= Motherfuckers


End file.
